Happy New Year

Happy New Year! 2010.....Well it isn't quite here yet in Alaska, but as I sit here on the couch with my daughter I was thinking it might as well be. With only 55 minutes to go, we sit here reading while a movie plays. LOL Not quite like the good ole days. Kaili's not old enough to go where society deems is the most happening places to party for occasions such as this, and I am just too old and tired. So here we sit. Snacks put away, chocolate gone, my son in bed, Hubby out of town, two silly, boring women of different generations enjoying the same New Years Eve activity. (This year anyway) lol

This is she: Kaili

This is me: Mom/Dani





Bring it on 2010!!!!!

Land that I love!

ALASKA!

I love this place. It's views are breathtaking, it's wildlife is, well, in a word...wild. It's weather however may leave some wishing for warmer places. I myself long for the sandy beaches of Hawaii now that I have actually been there. However, when we get a gorgeous day like the one we had yesterday...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Halloween 2009, my Knight in Shining Armor....it was fun, and he was so very proud of his costume which mom and dad designed just for him. It was fabrication from cardboard, duct tape, metallic spray paint. Damon trully enjoyed wearing his costume and of course gathering candy from various businesses one night, and homes the next.

Take it or Leave it!

Motherhood comes with Ups and Downs, smiles and frowns, joys and heartbreak...but no matter what trials we face as mothers, motherhood is never a "take it or leave it occupation". We might tell our children, Take it or leave it when they are offered something. We might tell ourselves Take it or leave it when trying to make a decision. We might even tell others Take it or leave when trying to come to a compromise.

But we should never tell ourselves that we can Take it or leave it when in the depths of parenting. Once a mother, always a mother

Truthfully, I started this post days ago, and got interrupted by something very important, and at the same time, frustrating. I get interrupted by this same thing over and over throughout my days, weeks, months....And yet I would never just leave it. I take it because it's what I chose. Deep down, even if my first child wasn't planned, I somehow chose it....it's called parenthood, or more specifically, motherhood. So, yes motherhood can be frustrating, and it calls for repeated interruptions however, it's soooo worth it. There might be a few moments from years gone by that I would like to offer up in trade, but for what I am not sure. A massage? A pedicure? A night out? hmmmm, well ok, ,maybe any or all of those. But I would never go back to being a woman without children, biological or otherwise. Not that that isn't ok for some of you...like I said, it's a choice. I would never trade my position though as mother to Kaili and Damon!!!

So, take it or leave it? You must decide before becoming a parent, because once you have become one, there is no (or shouldn't be anyway) leaving it.

Did I see that coming?

Did I see it coming????
I have to say, I probably knew it was coming, but didn't necessarily see it coming when it actually did. Life prepares us for many things, school, work, service, earning money, attending college, birth, and even in some cases, death. But I wonder, does life really prepare us for motherhood? Does life prepare mothers for the challenges we will face while raising our most precious possessions? Can it really prepare a mother for the things she will no doubt have to endure on a daily basis, the things she will hear from her children's own mouthes? Can we ever really be prepared to face our children--as many of us will always think of as our babies-- as adults and come to terms with their adult choices? I believe parts of my own life may have prepared me somewhat for all these things, but in no way prepared me for all aspects.
I didn't see it coming...or maybe I did and just didn't want to admit it...when my daughter reminded me of all the years I used her "dividend" for family (meaning me and her/can you say SANTA?) rather than put it in the bank for her. I didn't see it coming...again, maybe I did...when after having my daughter I was three pants sizes bigger than I had been before having her. I didn't see it coming...you know...when I was blessed with another child, this time a son...and he is so "boy" that I find myself exhausted at the end of EVERY day. I didn't see it coming..........................there is so much to do every day, every night, every week I feel like I am drowning sometimes. But somehow I manage to get by, make it to tomorrow, next week, next month. And my house isn't falling apart, though some days it feels like it might...or I feel like letting it!!! I didn't see it coming...........ok, so I did see it coming....when I look in the mirror and what I see reminds me that I have a 19 yr old, and chase after a 3 yr old every day. And then there are the days when I realize I did see it coming.....the wonderful woman my daughter is becoming (gradually), and the polite manners my son uses daily (sometimes with reminding, sometime without). I did see those things coming! I had to, because I did teach those things to my kids. I taught them to use their manners, be compassionate, empathetic, caring, loving, willing to share, and above all else, have fun.

Days Gone By

Ever get to remembering days gone by? If you're human I bet you do. And if you are like me, the older you get, the more often you do this. Days gone by that I think of most are when my daughter, now almost 19, was just a little baby, toddler, and preschooler. She was so much fun when she was little. Not that she isn't fun anymore, but I had her all to myself back in those days. She was a talker, and had beautiful blonde wavy hair. Big blue eyes, and she always had a smile ready for anyone. I raised Kaili much like I am currently raising my son. I disciplined her when necessary, taught her to be kind to others, and always remember her manners. Manners you say!? What's the point? Well let me just say, manners can get you lots of things, and to lots of places you might not otherwise get. Manners make life easier. Being polite, and well mannered can go a long way with people. Most people anyway. Not teaching your child to be polite, use their manners, and to serve others is a grave mistake made by far too many parents. I am not saying that teaching these things is easy, just very worth your while.
I always encouraged Kaili to do what was right! And she grew up knowing the difference between right and wrong, and having a desire to do the right thing. As a result, her best friends have always admired that about her, respected her choices to do what is right, and really like the fact that she is a loyal, trustworthy friend/person. In all her 19 yrs, My daughter has only lied to me twice. One time being when she was only 3. I grabbed that bull by the horns and took care of it right away. She knew that I meant business and that I wasn't going to put up with any sort of story telling whatsoever.
Some of the most important tools for raising honest, kind, hard working kids:

• Consistancy
• Honesty
• Discipline
• Responsibility
• Accountability
• Positive reinforcement
• Tough Love
• High Standards
• Leading by example

These are just a few, there are so many more. I always have room for improvement in each area at any given time, but I try my best every day to be aware of where I am in each area.

Raising Kaili wasn't always a walk in the park, but for sure, it was fun, fulfilling, challenging, joyful, and I miss it. I would never trade that time for all the money in the world.

B.L.I.S.S.

So what does B.L.I.S.S. mean? According to the dictionary it means: Utter Joy and contentment, supreme happiness. And in terms of Motherhood, and parenting, well it also means utter joy and contentment, and supreme happiness.
To me, here, it means this: Because Love, I Said So!!!!!!! That one phrase we most likely heard when we ourselves were growing up and maybe some of you, like me, promised you would never say it to your own children. So, how are you doing with that commitment? I did make that promise to myself, and subsequently broken it many times. The fact is that when many issues are in need of explaining, and some discussion, there are other times that call for a simple "Because love, I said so!" there may be dangerous situations that need immediate and swift reprimands with no time for explanation. There are times when a topic is too delicate for the age or circumstances. Then there are times when, as a mom, one just feels overwhelmed with always having to explain herself that the only thing left to say is, "because love, I said so!" there are even times, (in my life as a mother anyway), that "because love, I said so" is all they are going to get no matter what because I just shouldn't have to explain my every decision to a minor child. No means NO and yes means YES! That's it! No more! Maybe means MAYBE, and we'll see, means exactly that! give me a moment, let me think, I can't decide, I won't decide, I can't think about that now....these are all phrases that I utter to myself while deciding which one I will use on my child. When my daughter was little I rarely had need to say these things, but as she became older and had more questions than answers and felt she was deserving of more answers i found myself wanting to resort to B.L.I.S.S. And now, with my son, I could so see myelf uttering B.L.I.S.S. every single day!!! How dreadful is that? I just WANT BLISS!!!!! Oh and where to find it? At the spa, at the Grand Canyon, in Hawai'i, on vacation, in my sleep at night, in a Great book? All these places/things, but also I do find that sometimes there is Bliss in being a mom, in watching your child take their first breath, step, utter their first word, ask their first question. The times when I feel so proud of what I am doing is when my son tells me, "you can do it mom!" when I am doubtful of accomplishing a feat he wants me to try. It is then I hear my own voice/words coming right back at me. What a powerful message that is. Continue on with powerful messages even if sometimes that message is simply, "Because Love, I Said So!"

"Driving Me Crazy"

April 2009; Looking into that sweet face....how could I ever feel like you are driving me crazy? However, despite many people getting confused and caught up in the meaning of "driving me crazy", you do sometimes. Let me clarify myself; when i say you are driving me crazy, I do NOT mean that I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I am NOT going to beat you speechless. I am NOT going to leave and never come home. I am NOT going to give up on you. I am NOT going to delegate your care to others while I sit idly by and do nothing.

I am NOT going to criticize you into submission. I am NOT going to neglect you. I am NOT going to make you or myself a "victim" in our home. I am NOT going to EVER turn my back on you!

I WILL love you for ever. I WILL love you for Always. I WILL love you No Matter What. I WILL have bad days. I WILL have moments when I need a time out, or you do, or we both do. I WILL have days that I just need to get out of the house for R&R. I WILL demand, or allow your Daddy to help me! I WILL put you in the corner to contemplate your behavior. I WILL teach you what is right and wrong! I WILL expect respect from you and give it in return. I WILL cry sometimes. I WILL be okay!

People seem to get anxious when they hear me say, "you're driving me crazy". I don't really know why. Maybe they think I am being critical. Maybe they think I am at my wits end and ready to just literally give up on you! That is NOT the case. I have my own reasons, and I will not stop saying it. Sometimes, you DO drive me crazy, or almost. I just make sure that I take the requisite time for myself to relax. when you are "driving me crazy", you are basically working my nerves in a way that causes me to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and in need of a time out. It usually means you are not listening well, or you are engaging in unacceptable behavior repetitively even when I have told you or asked you to stop. given the fact that you aren't even 3 yet...I do have some empathy for that fact and understanding of your developmental lack of self control. Thank goodness I outgrew that developmental stage WAY before I became a parent. And I understand that you will too someday!!!

To parents who feel this way sometimes....have hope. Have faith. Have love. Have fun!!! Remember to laugh often with your kids. Talk about your feelings, your attitudes, your need for R&R. Take time for yourself..even if only 20 minutes for a hot bath. With most kids, sitting down with a good book or books, will get them to sit still, and can soothe you both. Find activities such as reading or other ones you enjoy that can calm you both, and the atmosphere in the home. Try new techniques.

My son gets in these moods when he repeatedly jumps on me. Not his dad, me! It only lasts for a matter of minutes, but boy does it "drive me crazy"....lol I know it passes, so I try to turn him around by making a game out of horse play. I twirl him around, give him a ride on my back, , chase him around the furniture. It seems to make him happy, and still burn off that access energy. We both end up laughing and having a good time. When that is over, he is done jumping on me, and I feel more relaxed. It's just like the old saying...."if you can't beat them, join them!" Thats what I have to do. Now, when I had my son, this was all a big surprise to me. My daughter never did this kind of thing. She never bit, kicked, hit, jumped on me, threw toys. She was quite agreeable over all. Though I remember from about 1 1/2 to 3 she loved having her back lightly scratched. She would lay on me at bedtime and beg me to touch her back. I would be falling asleep and she would say in a little mouse of a voice.."mommy, more, more mommy." Oh, that would drive me crazy!!! But I did it, knowing somewhere deep inside me that she wouldn't always lay with me, and want me to touch her in a loving way like that. Boy was I right. I happens to the best, most loving parents. Kids grow up, they change, they become independant teens. Then they become adults and leave home. Then who will jump on you? Who will beg? Who will throw their toys for you to fetch? Who will play with their applesauce? Who will you read to? Who will wake up at unforgivable hours of the morning and demand to be fed breakfast? Who will you demand a break from....ok, maybe husbands...? Who will get playdough and chewing gum in the carpet? Who will whine and say NO? Who will refuse to get to bed when told? Who will need to be put in time out?...ok, maybe husbands again!

On the other hand, who will you rock to sleep? Who will you read favorite stories to? Who will you sing lullabies to? Who will hold your hand crossing the street? Who will cry for you when you go out? Who will ask you for a kiss on a boo boo? Who will smile sweetly at you and say " I love you mommy?" ok, husbands could do this one...yes? Who will run to you for hugs upon waking up? Who will look to you for guidance when misled? Who will willingly go with you to the park, or playground? Who will be your biggest champion in your own efforts...well come on husbands!? Who? For a time you, my darling baby. AFter that, ME!

Of course you "drive me crazy" sometimes!!!!

Of course I LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME!!!! For Ever and For Always, No Matter What!!!!!

Wow, I remember this day! You were just learning to walk good and we took you to the beach. Even though that water was big and cold, you had no fear. It looks here as if you are just contimplating your next move...which of course was straight ahead into the water but for the fact that Mommy caught you! If only I had know then what I know now about how you are a non-stop mover and shaker....well even if I had I wouldn't change a THING! You keep me on my toes, and that is what I was aiming for. Your big sister Kaili didn't put me through a fraction of the stress or turmoil I go through with you, but it's ok. You have so much heart, so much personality, so much compassion despite also having a thing about whaling on your mama, throwing toys over railings, squishing your food all over, drawing on yourself with markers (washable thank Goodness), eating crayons and all sorts of unmentionable things.

I wouldn't trade you for all the good books out there.

Your Daddy and I have so much fun with you, and now this moment at Refuge Cove is almost 2 yrs behind us. We will be having many more beach experiences in the future. In fact we went to HAWI'I and that was a BLAST. You loved the water and the shallow play area we found at Poui'a Pou beach. more on that in another entry.
love you tons and tons
mom

Surviving on fumes

Almost anyone will tell you that in order to be healther, happier, live longer, have less stress, you must get enough sleep. By enough, most mean eight hours a night. I have always wondered though, does it all have to get gotten at night? Do naps count? And if I don't get enough, for how long can I keep going? Well, in the past, when I was a new mom, and then a mom again, I survived on fumes alone; for months even with my second, as he refused to sleep through the night for some reason. I assume that since it worked for him to get his sleep through naps during the day, it should be okay for me too. The interesting thing is, I don't always get to have that nap. Oh to be a baby!!! When my son takes a nap, a message must travel the airways, phoneways, internetways, and whatever other "ways" there are to let people know that it's naptime in my house. Naptime means, call me, call me again, and knock on the door. Heck, don't knock just ring the doorbell cuz then the dogs will bark and we all have fun when that happens. If I do get a few minutes to "sit" on the couch and even entertain the idea of laying down, I feel the immediate and urgent need to pee. Bother!!!! Oh what's this? Dirty laundry that needs doing? I feel hungry too, but darn, I can't get a snack until I do the dishes. Who's calling this time? wrong number. Ok, dishes are done, now the floor is messy, and the laundry is ready to go into the dryer now. Oh my gosh! I still didn't get that snack. I need to workout. But oh look at the clock, naptime is going to be over any minute. Well, I will go to bed early tonight, cuz naptime only counts if you actually get to take it.

Early? what is that? Define Early... 12:15am? 11:00pm? 10:00pm? Hah! I never got a chance to workout so I have to go to the gym. Get home, after waiting for power lines to get fixed on the highway...need to shower so I can rock my son. Guess what though, he isn't tired yet. Too bad. I will just lay with him and hope he falls asleep. While this at last gives me an excuse to lay down, ironically i now pray I won't fall asleep. I want to sleep in my own bed. Early to me would be 9:00 but I am lucky if I get to bed by 10:30. I run on fumes many days. How do I do it? I think it's a womans unique adaptive quality to be able to fun on fumes for days on end, only refueling with enough fuel to get us to the next stop. Every now and then do we get the opportunity to fill our tanks to the Full level. I don't know about you, but my days, though filled with the above mentioned trials, challenges, and toy messes, are also filled with joys, laughs, fun, learning, and teaching moments. These are the things that fuel me enough to keep me going. Mothers are amazingly adaptive, and resilient. We will keep going, keep running if only on fumes. That's just what we do!

Dani

Present Tense

Today,
The Present,
Currently,
I am a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom. I love my job. I couldn't ask for a more interesting, lively, difficult, and rewarding job. Who ever said parenting is easy has not been a mother yet...oh yeah that was someone in the family. Little does that person know.............Well I do. And I am sure many of you out there know too. Parenting, not the Peace Corps, is the Toughest Job you'll ever LOVE! I hope you will love it anyway, if you chose to become a parent. You may not love everything about it, but there will definitely be times that are so wonderful that the hard times are dim. I have so much more to say about being a mom, and even a single mom. For now I am going to breath easy and get this blog going smoothly. If you have any comments or questions about single parenting and attending college, comment me.
Blessed be the moms!
Dani